Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Sorry I've Been So MIA....

Hey guys!

Sorry I've been gone for so long. It's finals week and I'm laying in bed recovering from an all nighter. I just wanted to make this post to let y'all know some things going on in my life!!!

Foremost, recently a lot of people in my life that used to hurt me have apologized. I was truly, TRULY shocked. But it just goes to show that most of the time, when people hurt you, they'll realize one day how awful it was and try to ask for forgiveness. Usually, I forgive people too easily, always seeing the best in people. But I've realized you have to really think about what they did, and sometimes realize that forgiveness isn't achievable.

Second, I want to talk about something that has really bothered me for the past few days.
1) If I ever, in any way, have given you the impression that I just use my dad and his story to get attention, then I am extremely embarrassed. That man was one of the greatest things that ever happened to me, and losing him is still fresh to me. I had him in my life for 15 years, and had always planned on him being at important events in my life like graduation and my wedding. It has only been 3 years since he passed, and I never got to say to goodbye or anything. Losing a parent is never easy.
I admit, I tweet about him all the time, but no more than I tweet about my mom or sister! To all you out there that are too quick to judge, my sister and I actually have an inside joke about mentioning my dad on the Internet. When we continue to write on his Facebook wall or tweet at him, we always say he's reading it from heaven, based on something him and us had joked about months before his death.
2) Someone recently had told me my dad wouldn't be proud of me because I use his story for pity parties and to get attention. This angered me more than anything I've heard in awhile. My dad was proud of anything and everything I did. Sometimes I swore he thought my sister and I walked on water. He never failed to tell us how my sister and I were his best accomplishments in life. My dad would NEVER judge me on how I mention his death. I never knew twitter had to exclude specific things as tweets or people honestly judged you as a person based off of what you tweet. I find that utterly pathetic to tell you the truth.
Also, no one EVER has the right to judge how people mourn deaths, especially those of parents. It blows my mind how people could honestly sit there and tell you that you tweeting about how much you miss you dad is the result of seeking attention. I mourn my dad exactly how I need to mourn him, the way that helps me stay happy and helps me get my emotion out. Sometimes people mourn deaths by smiling or being completely stone cold about it. Neither one of these reactions are the wrong way to mourn a death.
Besides just talking about him to make myself feel better, I also mention him often because I find his story really affects people. I know so many people whose relationships with their own mom or dad have benefitted because I showed them how special a bond my dad and I had, and help them realize how grateful they should be for their parents. Additionally, I used to really be involved in raising awareness about organ donation because my dad was such an inspiration after his death. When I tell his story, I still usually mention that. However, organ donation awareness is nothing that will prevent other families from losing their loved ones, since it is something that only comes into play after death in most cases. (although many amazing people save lives by donating some organs while still alive--but that is usually a personal choice) My dad died because of a brain hemorrhage and there is not much you can do to prevent those, they are random and most time unforeseeable! In the future, perhaps there will be more research and preventative measures for his killer, but until then there is little I can do to help. I try in other ways though to donate to as much organizations as possible, and I'm dancing 24 hours in February for a huge charity in North Carolina. Although I can't do much to save people from what my dad suffered from, I can help things that are preventable or curable!
Although I had nothing to prove to this selfish and obviously judgmental person, I wanted to make it clear to anyone else who may have misunderstood my motives. I'm not trying to seem like Mother Teresa or make myself into a wonderful person in your eyes, but I thought these points needed to be made.

Lastly, like I've said this week is finals week, and it has been everything I've expected it to be: death.
Some amazing things have also happened lately though! I've made some really special friends, I've learned better time management, I've learned to respect myself, my sweet stepdad bought me an iPhone instead of just upgrading my broken droid like I was expecting, and I've had much fun with my best friends as always!

Well I'm gonna try to go to sleep (aka stay up and watch YouTube make up videos) but before I go, in case I don't post before either of their birthdays: Happy Birthday to Dree and Julie! I love you both so much and you guys deserve amazing birthdays! You both are such important people in my life and I'm grateful for each of you!

Well congrats to all of you of finishing your exams, and good luck to all of you still taking them. Wish me luck! I still have one on Thursday and Friday, then I'm heading to the Big Apple til the day after Christmas :) so excited for that!

Safe travels to everyone and I hope your holidays and vacations are filled with tons of happiness and love!

-Alexa Dorian

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