Saturday, December 3, 2011

What I Think About Boys

This is for all my girls out there

This post will be dedicated to how I feel about relationships, and my knowledge about them, because this has been consuming my life lately--whether its my personal life, or me giving advice to all my friends.

This is especially for you Lanie, Allie, Roma, and Ann: the girls that I think about absolutely beautiful, and don't understand the amazing types of guys they'll get in the future.

First of all, you all should read this before you do ANYTHING else!

My sister's amazing boyfriend, Scott, answered a few questions on my her blog about her and relationships. Coming from a guy, I hope all girls will understand what he's saying is true, and his advice has ALWAYS helped me with relationship problems.

Although I'm still young and have only been on this earth for a short amount of time, I've been through a lot of things, including TONS of relationships. When I would tell people how many boyfriends I've had, it sounded a little ridiculous, but I have taken so much from every guy.

Ann and my mom say it best when they tell me that every person that comes through your life has a purpose. They leave fingerprints on your life that will never fade, whether good or bad. Although I didn't realize it at the time, and even though I was hurt more than I hoped for, all my relationships have helped me in the end. Each person has helped me realize what I want and don't want in a guy. 

With each new boy I talk to, I notice they are spaced out in time, and they embody more and more qualities I like in a guy. You learn that compromising for looks and popularity doesn't always make up for their humor and how they treat you.

Every guy also helps you learn about who you are and the qualities you want to change in yourself (not referring to weight or anything physical--always remember you're beautiful exactly how you are [cheesy, I know]). Thanks to some of my past boyfriends, I've learned that sometimes I'm too clingy, I need to communicate better, I need to be patient, I don't always need to look for a relationship, that I should never change myself for a guy, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER let a guy disrespect you. AT ALL. 

If a guy cheats on you, drop him before he can say "I'm sorry." HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. Someone that truly cares about you and loves you would never even think about kissing or holding anyone but you and couldn't ever imagine hurting you. They will do anything to sweet talk you in order to get you back, but I promise, from experience, that relationship will never be the same, and the trust will never be restored.

So, after yesterday morning, when I saw Lanie crying her eyes out because her and her boyfriend broke up, I knew I had to dedicate a post to her. Lanie, baby, you are absolutely gorgeous. I don't need to convince you, but I still will. Who has been hit on by James McAdoo? Who has the most gorgeous hair I've ever seen? Who has one of the most bubbly and kindhearted personalities I've ever encountered? If you haven't caught on, all of the answers are "you." It kills me to see you so upset, and I hope this post will help you smile and feel better. 

So here we go, these are my tips to all you girls (and I'm sure guys can take something from this too):

1) Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater
Like I said, you have to learn that those who cheat are taking advantage of your trust. Not only did they disrespect you, but taking them back is disrespecting yourself. I promise if they had the guts to do it once, they'll do it again.

2) The Biggest Lesson I've Learned
If I can tell all of you ANYTHING, just one thing, it would be that if your heart was capable of loving one guy, it has the capacity to love another. I know it seems like the end of the world after a break up, and you CANNOT imagine yourself going through the day without that person anymore, or ever liking anyone else. But I promise you, with time, you will find a guy that fills that hole in your heart that the other guy left. Just when you think you'll never get over him, another amazing guy will come along. I'm telling you, this has happened to me multiple times. ..which leads me to my next point

3) Time Heals Everything
Yes, you will be extremely sad. Yes, you will cry your eyes out. Yes, you will Facebook stalk him for months. Yes, you will re-read all your old texts/listen to all your old voicemails. Yes, you will lay in bed every night dreaming up situations where he'll apologize and want you back. Yes, you'll cry yourself to sleep every night. But after awhile, the closeness y'all had will fade, the tears will dry up, and you'll find yourself getting over him. After one guy and I broke up, I cried myself to sleep every night for a month straight (pathetic, I know). But guess what, I moved on! Healing is a part of life. You can't be afraid of it. You have to struggle through it so it will make you a stronger person.

4) Stand Your Ground
One of my biggest problems with past relationships is that I would always compromise something about the guy, because I liked so many other things about him. To name off things, I love social guys, guys who would never want to see me cry, and guys that like to show off that we're together. Here's how I compromised in the past: he's anti-social ... but, he's really funny and athletic! he always makes me cry for the dumbest reasons ... but I like his family and we bring out the best in each other! he doesn't like to show off that we're together ... but we spend all our time together and I love being around him. NO NO NO NO NO! I've realized I need to demand everything I want in a guy. You shouldn't just get a 1/3 or 3/4s of the things you like. YOU SHOULD GET ALL OF THEM. If you don't expect more from a guy, you'll never be fully happy.

5) Everything Happens For A Reason
I promise this is true. Every guy was meant to come into your life for a reason. All the happy/sad moments y'all had together will teach you something in the end. And it is true that things fall apart so better things can fall together. Just when you stop looking for the perfect guy, he'll pop up out of nowhere.

6) Lay Off the Crazy Pills
Don't play mind games with a boy. Don't take utter revenge on him for screwing you over. Don't send him long, long, LONG messages spilling your heart out, because I promise if he's a true douche he won't care and will probably laugh about it with his friends. Guys are extremely immature at our age, and going crazy on them will only give them more reason to make fun of you, tell other guys not to talk to you, or give them the chance to say the one sentence that gets under every girl's skin and makes them grit their teeth in anger: "You're crazy." UGH I ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT. Getting to the point: take out your anger on a pillow, please girls.

Note** I did not say become a slut. Actually get to know the guys, don't let it just be physical. ALSO, dating does not always mean relationships. Go to a movie/dinner with lots of guys over the years. Experience new types of people. The more you date/have relationships, the more you'll realize what you want in a guy.

8) You ALWAYS Have Your Girls
When you and your boy call it quits, you have to learn that sulking and sitting by your phone for hours waiting for him to call, begging to have you back is not healthy OR helpful OR realistic. You have to get prettied up, put on an outfit you feel beautiful/hot in, and go out with your girls. There is always the option of staying in and having a girls night too--but I feel like this allows too much time to talk about how sad you are and it'll just depress you even more. GO OUT! HAVE FUN! GET DRUNK! You're young and wild and free (to quote Wiz) Sitting at home will just make you sad. But, try not to go out and hook up with every guy that walks past you. If you want that ex to stay in your life as at least a friend, he would be less likely to talk to you if he knew that you slutted it up with a rebound guy(s).

9) More Important Things In Life
At the end of the day, although your love life and heart control many of your emotions and happiness, you have to snap back into reality and look at the bigger picture, and remember that there are more important things in life. Getting an education, having a family that loves you, etc. You CANNOT forget that you're getting an amazing education, one that millions of people around the world would kill for. You have to remember that you have an amazing family at home that loves you, and was always there for you before this guy ever came into your life. Life is what you make it, and you have to take control on how to make yourself happy. Be thankful for the good things you have in your life, and don't dwell on a douchey boy.

10) Trust Your Gut
When past boyfriends would call me crazy for getting mad at little things, I would sit there and feel so bad about myself, and try to figure out WHY I was so upset. I just recently have realized that the little things are what matter the most, and they all add up in the end. With the little things, you have to trust your gut on whether to be mad or brush it off, because those little hints are helping you realize if the guy is meeting the requirements you desire in a person. For example, if I really care about someone and they're in pain or really sick, I will do anything to at least see them for a second and hopefully make them feel better/show them I care. This summer, I had really bad sun poisoning and slept for about 36 hours in two days. The guy I was talking to was coming back into town for his best friend's birthday party, and I was SO upset for some reason that I didn't get to see him that night. After I told him I was mad, and he told me I was being ridiculous--that he was only celebrating HIS BEST FRIEND'S birthday--I sat there for so long wondering how I could be so selfish. NO! It was my gut telling me something was wrong. If that guy truly cared about me, he would've taken 5 minutes out of getting ready or on his ride home from the party to come check on me and show me that he cared. It really is the little things that mean the most.

Whew, so yeaa ... that's pretty much ALLLLL I have to say about boys and relationships. I will admit straight up that I am a hopeless romantic, and that I believe love/relationships should be done right or there is no point in having them. But I can also be cynical, and after settling for so many guys, you get tired of putting up with things you don't like or being hurt in the end. Time is precious, and even though relationships are fun, you shouldn't waste your time with them if you aren't completely happy/being treated like you deserve.

So recently, I've had to give up an amazing guy in my life, and for once, I don't want to send him crazy messages spilling my heart out, or completely dismiss him from my life. I realize I care about him, and sometimes if you let things go, you have to understand that they'll find there way back to you if it's meant to be between y'all.

Focusing on school, especially exams, is my main priority right now, and I know that special guy, whether I've met him or not, will find his way to me eventually. Seeing my sister and Scott, my stepsister and her husband (whose wedding was last night by the way), and so many other happy couples, gives me hope for the future. After seeing all the awful, douchey, selfish guys my sister had her heart broken by, and then comparing them to Scott, it definitely proves that it's worth all the pain and wait to find that special person. Heck, anyways, boys don't fully mature until after their 20s, so give it time, and don't fully give up on the male population.

One last thing: shout out to Shayla who always gives me motivation and encouragement to continue this blog, and help me realize that I'm at least helping one person out there.

In the meantime, I'm exhausted and it's time for a nap.
I love you guys,
-Alexa Dorian

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